9/31 – What seems to be lacking currently for my true happiness right now

What seems to be lacking currently for my true happiness right now

There is a part of me that lacks, and that primarily comes from not being in a relationship and wanting to be in a relationship again. It won’t “complete” me, it won’t being me “true happiness”,  but I want to be a part of an “us” again, I want to love and be loved again.

I have found love before and I’ve lost it, but in these years I’ve recognized that love is indeed a verb and needs to be acted out and not just by words alone but actions to support love. I also recognize that love takes time, and I need to pray and look for someone who’s compatible with me instead of hastily going for Ms. Right NOW!
I’m looking for a love like Johnny and June, after he passed away he passed the torch of being the “man in black” (in theory) on to me, I may be rough around a lot of my edges, but I’m looking for my June.

My good friend since my early college years goads me repeatedly out of love “God has someone for you! And when you least expect it He will plop her in your lap” and I believe it, I really do, but sometimes I honestly don’t and since I neither fit in the “young 20somethings group” or “young couples group” in the church dynamic I’m an oddity, because in someways the church sees that as the logical progression.

A few years ago I started writing to my future wife and kids, I think I might do that again (oh my lack of stick-to-itiveness with writing some times) for my sake, their sake and our sake. I used to criticize the young couples who met in their college bubble and kept that dynamic up as long as they could outside of the bubble until that bubble burst…but nowadays I have sympathy and compassion for those who meet in a controlled setting, God help them once they get out.

So I’m looking and praying with my eyes open for my June, I will be my beloveds and my beloved will be mine…all in God’s perfect timing.

~Nathanael~

 

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