17/31 – Someone with whom I shared a friendship/relationship that simply drifted out of my life

Someone with whom I shared a friendship/relationship that simply drifted out of my life

This is something I hope I don’t regret writing, but there’s a guy I went to Jr. College with who drifted out of my life…but in all honesty I wanted out and perhaps he still wanted the friendship.

It wasn’t always so fractured and broken, we had good times together on campus and his many owl item themed house (his stepmother loves and I mean loves owls). There were times where it was just great to hang out with him, but I kinda know why our friendship dissolved…

My ego, my desire to hang out with someone who had it “all together” broke down the walls of our friendship. His life was a type of rough I could relate to, and yet I wanted a friend who could be my escape in a way…but it never happened and I’m ashamed to admit that I grew bored of him, and it wasn’t him, it was me.

I do need healthy friendships and relationships in my life, but I also need to help people get to that point if needed be, but in my younger college years I just couldn’t stand it because in hindsight the person who I considered my friend reminded me of me; fragile, wounded, broken, wanting to be loved and so much more…but I couldn’t stand it because I wasn’t comfortable in my skin then, these current days I’m better…but I do break down and cry out in frustration and anger when life is more pronounced in the unfairness of it all.

I can only hope and pray he’s in a better place and has better friends than I was for the brief time we were friends. If there’s an opportunity to mend what was broken, I hope I do what it takes, even if he doesn’t want to which I completely understand.

~Nathanael~

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