19/31 – Something that shook my belief system to its core

Something that shook my belief system to its core

It’s interesting that 2 weeks ago I bumped into this individual’s father, I haven’t seen him in a long while, prior to my beard and long hair, but he noticed me first!

When I was younger so much younger than today…

I was involved in the AWANA program, and while I didn’t like it completely (especially the tail end when I was profusely bullied) there were aspects of it that I did like. One thing I liked wasn’t a thing, but a girl my age, she was friendly and nice to me where others were not. It was a Wednesday night we played games together, we exchanged goodbyes, and left our separate ways.

I went to bed and woke the next morning,
She however, went to bed and died overnight due to a brain aneurism.

I don’t say this callously or haphazardly, but one of my few friends at AWANA passed away in her sleep, she was my age or a year older.

I remember I read it in the newspaper, the obituary section, which I sometimes peruse just to read stories of people I’ve never met, but there it was, my friend who was 15 or 16, her obituary.

I remember telling my mom to join me at the wake that was at the church where the AWANA program met. I have moments where I can process death better and then there are times where I want to pay my respects but it feels awfully awkward to be in the presence of the living and the the one[s] who has passed on. I think I feel awkward because most of the hushed whispers are of where that person’s soul is at this time; is she in Heaven? Is she in Hell? I heard that… These kind of things should be discussed, but I don’t think in such close proximity of the loved this should be discussed, if they bring it up that’s different altogether.

It shook me up because I recognized my mortality in her passing. We’re not all going to live long lives, some of us will die young, to which if we get our perspectives straightened out as to how short life is and how short our lives are we might do more. More in the sense that we won’t be as frivolous with our time, we might hang out with the ones we love more, we might give back to humanity and this world a better place when we pass on.
“It’s not about starting strong, but about finishing strong” is advice I received when I was a runner in college, this is good advice in regards to life as well. I don’t want to live my life that can be summed up in an obituary, because I want to do more and be more than that, I want to create a legacy that outlives me…and it starts now, it has been going for some time now, but I must stay the course and finish strong.

You only have one life, make it count.

~Nathanael~

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