25/30 – I’m dreaming of a right Christmas

I’m dreaming of a right Christmas

There’s a level of disfunctionality that has been a part of pretty much every Christmas I’ve experienced with my immediate family. Everyone. The only time I had an enjoyable Christmas in recent years was when I spent time with my former fiancee’s family and extended family; so much bonhomie, so much love & plenty of peace and goodwill to all who gathered.

I liked it a great deal, it gave me a perspective of what a good Christmas looks like, and yet today’s prompt for the 30 day writing challenge is worst Christmas ever…well, here goes nothing.

Worst Christmas Ever

I think my worst Christmas came at a time in my life where I wanted what my friends had i.e. material possessions, in which it was right when Nintendo 64 was popular. I asked for it to be my Christmas present, my only Christmas present to sweeten the deal…but I wasn’t given it, and while that did make things horrible for me at the time, what made that Christmas the worst ever was that my father hadn’t purchased me anything and I think when I was shopping for a Christmas present for my mom on the 22nd or 23rd of December he said I should pick out something for my Christmas present as he hadn’t gotten me anything.

I’ve had a lot of shitty Christmases, but to select one’s own present after someone admits they haven’t gotten you anything takes the cake as being the worst Christmas ever. I kind of dread any holiday that approaches where standard decorum is getting together with friends and family, because that never happens in my family’s case, we either do things alone or alone but individually, so usually all holidays of this nature suck for me…but I have hope.

I have hope that someday I will be able to throw the best damn holiday parties ever! Whether I’m hosting or adding to the celebrations, I want it to be fun because I haven’t been given that in my life and I don’t want my June or my kids to have something that resembles what my current lot in life is. I enjoy cooking, so you know I’m going to be working my ass off to make good food for those I love and care about. I have hope that things will get better and these present times and shittier past times will be a blip on my radar and will not be repeated verbatim ad nauseum.

Here’s to better Christmases and every other holiday in the future! 🙂


3 thoughts on “25/30 – I’m dreaming of a right Christmas

  1. My ex-husband did nearly the exact same thing to me – only one of the reasons why we’re no longer together. It does get better. At a certain point, you have to let them go and do your own thing. Make your own traditions and really enjoy the holidays. It’ll happen for you.

  2. I am so sorry, Son, that my personal issues and conflicts have hurt you so much in the past and continue to hurt you in the present. My hope is that there would be an end to the pain I’ve caused to you in your future.

    We missed you on Christmas!

    LoLove FAE, Dad

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