30/30 – It could have been worse

It could have been worse

Life isn’t always what it seems and lately I’ve been in a bit of a funk where I’m dwelling on what was and is no longer. If I am honest with myself and my current circumstances I seem to be pining over the past and am not satisfied with my current lot in life.

Things are getting better for me, they truly are, but I think about love and how much I want to give love and be loved…

It could have been worse, had I not been in a place where love was expressed I might not know how to appreciate it or truly live it out. Love hurts as much as it heals, and when you truly love someone you recognize that it will come to an end, not because one’s perspective should be looking at the possible end at the beginning, but if you give your love to someone and they give their love back, someone’s going to pass away and the physical day-to-day in-good-times-and-bad kind of love will come to an end.

Yet I realize that I want that again, even though there is hurting that comes with the healing, I am ready and so I look for my June, I pray for her with my eyes open.

Love is an active thing, it must be acted out in a tangible dynamic way, love cannot coast, either it is acted upon or it is not, there’s no middle ground where it just gets by on its own.

So tragically I do miss loving and being loved, but I am ready for love the next time it presents itself.

~Nathanael~

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