It’s not a relationship if there’s no communication – 5/28

In any relationship, you better put out.

Put out what you want out of it that is (what did you think I meant? ;-))
Despite being funny and perhaps slightly provocative, there’s a lot of truth what I wrote. It is only little kids who can start up friendships on a truly organic level; he has crayons/Legos/Hot Wheels, I do too, let’s share, we’re now friends…But as you get older, you start to realize that friendship isn’t as easy as it once was.

Differences don’t make for a deal breaker in friendships, diversity in all shapes and forms is the spice of life, and it makes for better relationships because it gives you the room to hear from someone who’s on a different path in life. In my own life I recognize that the differences I have between friends has aided to my broader thinking about the world at large.
If there’s truth to Thomas Aquinas’ statement of beware the man of one book in the same turn beware the man of one type of friend; because anything that is outside of that group of individuals norm (self-imposed or not) is going to be mere speculation.

Another facet of relationships is what you won’t do. I don’t think that on our minds from the get-go, but over time we might unless we suppress/”put up” with the foibles and faults with our friends, but there’s a line to that, and if it becomes detrimental and unhealthy for you it might be a good time to call it quits. Now what constitutes a deal breaker? I truly think it varies relationship to relationship, but there are some common threads; you’re taken advantage of, you’re put down, you’re physically/emotionally/spiritually/etc abused, you feel worse after hanging out with that individual than better, you’re not given room to speak, you’re not given room to BE who you truly are…these are some symptoms that the relationship isn’t a healthy one. If you have the audacity to say something along the lines “but I can’t stop being friends with that person, they’re my friend!” Well, here’s one for you, would a REAL friend treat you like dog shit? Would a friend really make you compromise your integrity and character? If it’s not healthy, there’s no point being around that person at all.

Put out what you can in any relationship in a healthy manner, if one relationship doesn’t work out, there will be opportunities for others. πŸ™‚



14 thoughts on “It’s not a relationship if there’s no communication – 5/28

  1. Sounds about right, Nathanael. I find, though, as I get older, I have fewer friends. Many have just kind of fallen away over the years. But the true ones, few though they may be, are really, really close to me. And I like that.

  2. We have more friends now than ever. While I was working, most of my friends consisted of co-workers since I’d lost touch with school friends. The same was true for my husband, and his work is 45 miles away so most of his work friends life a good distance from us. When I got laid off, my work friends sort of disappeared. It wasn’t until we started getting out more and putting ourselves in a position to meet people that we started making friends. Friends don’t drop out of the sky, you have to go find them. We joined a few groups, joined a church, and now we have a circle of really good friends.

  3. Glad to see you’re putting yourself out there with the rest of us on this little writing challenge! Great way to meet new friends, even if you don’t actually get to see them!

  4. Hey Nathanael, I found myself nodding throughout this. I can be on both sides of the coin in a dysfunctional relationship, but I’m pleased to say I have none these days. Some occasionally-difficult ones that are deeply rewarding and important to me, undeniably. But none that are broken. Thanks for these thoughts. Indigo

  5. Great take, Nathanael. I especially agree that it takes work to make new friends as we get older. Also, with real friends it shouldn’t feel like work at all.

  6. You went and took today’s suggestive prompt and turned it into something insightful and meaningful. I especially enjoyed your take on Thomas Aquinas’ advice. Well done, sir.

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