Making plans/Life happens sometimes all the time

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. ~ John Lennon

Truth to be told I like structure in making plans. I do have moments of spontaneity of just “going with it” some times, but I like plans and making plans. I, however, do not like hiccups in my plans, either personal or external, it works it way under my skin and I get irate and I have panic attacks because my plans have been thwarted.Yesterday was one of those days where nothing seemed to have gone my way. I did not like it, and I was worked up in frustration and anger for not getting my way. Yet grace was given to me by Jimmy, my foot in the door contact in Memphis and the I’m Sorry Campaign: Memphis edition. As soon as I realized I wasn’t going to be getting out to Memphis on my schedule (am I saying my too much? I just want it to bear witness to my internal chaos) and subsequently I wasn’t going to be able to cook for him or his roomies…he forgave me, he thanked me for communicating that I wouldn’t be there. He wasn’t upset! He was more full of grace to me than I was to myself!

https://i0.wp.com/blog.lifeway.com/womenallaccess/files/Grace.jpg

Now even though I am a cynical asshole to myself and to others sometimes, I get grace, I really do. Do I get it every time? Whether the getting grace or getting the nature of grace, no, but I’m trying to get grace like that on both accounts. I don’t write it off as southern hospitality as to why Jimmy was kind, I realize the grace I believe in so much of the times others do too, and when they extend that grace to me in moments where all my plans are shot down, it is a balm, it is a cool drink of water on a hot summer’s day. Grace, I love it, and need to extended it to myself more often equally as much as I extend it to others.

So here I sit on my couch in IL for the last time in 20 days contemplating grace and BEing in grace, and I like it. Any ounce of anger or frustration is gone. Life happens sometimes all the time, and I need to allow room for error, but I also need to allow room for grace to myself for things not going as I would have liked it to.

Lesson learned, moving forward and upward and down to Memphis. I’ll be there today, at least I plan on it.

~Nathanael~

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