Disclaimer; I am exhausted but want to convey resurrection in my writing. I admit that my writing today isn’t fluid, but I still want to write so please forgive me for any standard I’ve set up in my writing when this piece kinda flies in the face of better-ish writing. If you benefit from it, well, I guess I did something right. 🙂
Resurrection. Life coming forward out of death. I’ve seen a lot of it as of late; in tattooists making something beautiful out of a regretted tattoo, of the sacrifice of selves and transition into mutual submission in the context of marriage, and so many other examples.
And it overwhelms me to the point of tears. It shatters me to my core and instills in me a sense of where I am and where I am going and what I honestly and earnestly want for myself, and yet how all too often I get in the way of myself. Time and time again in my prayers and in my meditating I ponder and question in silence as well as out loud, “how long O Lord”. I won’t get into details here why that’s on my mind and heart, but it does in fact have to do with resurrection of self.
I am happy to be a part of life, I’m still an ambivert (between extrovert and introvert) by nature but still I enjoy the duality of being empowered by being around others as much as I do when I am by myself. I find that when it comes to my outlook on life, I am more of an optimist than I’ve ever been in my entire life. The cup is half full and it is constantly getting filled.
My bro and friend got married the other day, it was a joyous occasion and I enjoyed the vows, and from my perspective as a groomsman I saw from the side the love in his now wife’s eyes for him. Having worked with him and been in his life for a while I know some of his story, and there was just so much resurrection. I kept my shit together but I admit I was on the verge of crying (I am okay with displaying my emotions, even tears of joy). Resurrection…sweet sweet resurrection, and in many ways it will be a constant in my life; in the viewing, in the partaking, in the giving, and in the receiving. It knocks me hard and deep, and slips me off my feet…and I am okay with that. I am okay with countless innumerable times I have “died” and “risen” in issues in my life, in problems, it ethical/moral/spiritual issues. Some times I have laid dormant for longer than others, but God has seen me through it all and God will continue to do so every time resurrection needs to take place in my life.
I have hope even when I am hopeless, I have to some degree strength in times when I am weak, I have power in my powerlessness, I love even when I do not feel any love myself.
Thanks be to God for resurrection time and time again. In seeing it firsthand, but also experiencing it as well.
I have seen, and I believe.