3 weeks to Christmas and I’m not remotely ready

It’s 3 weeks to Christmas and I’m not remotely ready. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to know if I am ready, but I do know this; Christmas has never been an eventful holiday for me, and to some degree it still isn’t, but I have hope that one day I will have a family of my own and I will be able to start from there in making it better. I have hope this will come to fruition.

Hope. I have plenty of it sometimes, it keeps me going on my darkest days and even when things are going good for me I still hope. I have had a few good Christmases in my life, and I think my favorites have been when I was in a relationship celebrating Christmas with my SO’s family and extended 🙂 I’ve also been fortunate to go to Florida for Christmas, and let me tell you (if you’re a fan of warm weather) 80 degrees in December on the Gulf of Mexico is awesome.

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One thing I do enjoy even if I’m not celebrating Christmas is the Advent season leading up to Christmas.

To prepare my heart, my mind, in what was the greatest gift God gave to mankind, his son Jesus. Jesus came into this world as an individual who stirred up the system to the point that he was killed for going against the system’s status quo. If you think about it, Jesus came to live with us, be amongst us, but ultimately Jesus came to die (which goes into the bigger holiday in the Christian calendar; Easter).

So slight morbidity aside, I await and engage in my senses in preparation of Jesus. I take time to read, take time to go about life slowly in light of hope and in light of the greatest form of hope the world will ever know. I might be post-Evangelical in my beliefs, but I am aware of the meaning of this Christmas season and its many implications.

I wait,
I desire,
I hope. 🙂

~Nathanael~

25/30 – I’m dreaming of a right Christmas

I’m dreaming of a right Christmas

There’s a level of disfunctionality that has been a part of pretty much every Christmas I’ve experienced with my immediate family. Everyone. The only time I had an enjoyable Christmas in recent years was when I spent time with my former fiancee’s family and extended family; so much bonhomie, so much love & plenty of peace and goodwill to all who gathered.

I liked it a great deal, it gave me a perspective of what a good Christmas looks like, and yet today’s prompt for the 30 day writing challenge is worst Christmas ever…well, here goes nothing.

Worst Christmas Ever

I think my worst Christmas came at a time in my life where I wanted what my friends had i.e. material possessions, in which it was right when Nintendo 64 was popular. I asked for it to be my Christmas present, my only Christmas present to sweeten the deal…but I wasn’t given it, and while that did make things horrible for me at the time, what made that Christmas the worst ever was that my father hadn’t purchased me anything and I think when I was shopping for a Christmas present for my mom on the 22nd or 23rd of December he said I should pick out something for my Christmas present as he hadn’t gotten me anything.

I’ve had a lot of shitty Christmases, but to select one’s own present after someone admits they haven’t gotten you anything takes the cake as being the worst Christmas ever. I kind of dread any holiday that approaches where standard decorum is getting together with friends and family, because that never happens in my family’s case, we either do things alone or alone but individually, so usually all holidays of this nature suck for me…but I have hope.

I have hope that someday I will be able to throw the best damn holiday parties ever! Whether I’m hosting or adding to the celebrations, I want it to be fun because I haven’t been given that in my life and I don’t want my June or my kids to have something that resembles what my current lot in life is. I enjoy cooking, so you know I’m going to be working my ass off to make good food for those I love and care about. I have hope that things will get better and these present times and shittier past times will be a blip on my radar and will not be repeated verbatim ad nauseum.

Here’s to better Christmases and every other holiday in the future! 🙂

~Nathanael~