Putting an end to a multi-generational curse
I grew up in a home with an absent father for the most part. Work was (and still is) priority number one, and his intentionality to work long hours meant something or someone had to be given up, my mom/sisters & I were that someone.
I don’t know the fullest extent of growing up without a father has taken on me, but some of the more noticeable signs are as follows:
– I kinda rebel at male roles of authority, if I develop a relationship with the guy it’s easier, but from the get-go it is not.
– I have learned a lot of things the hard way, which if I had a father who gave me some insight I probably would not have made stupid STUPID mistakes, but I will say thankfully I’ve been learning from my mistakes and so there haven’t been much repeating in the mistake process.
– I was a hellion to my mother growing up, I bucked her authority because she took on both roles as a result of my father not being there, nothing quite like having your teacher also be your disciplinarian, things got better between her and I but it took years…
The sins of my father in his absenteeism comes from repeating what his father did to him, but it goes on before him and therefore is a multi-generational curse of having fathers out of the picture, away or even not there for their wives and children.
The turning point probably came in my late teens or earlier when I decided I did not want to put my future wife and kids through what I went through, and actually I was toying with the idea of having a friend snuff the life out of me if I ever did turn out like my father (which, as it should, scared the shit out of him).
But it has been in 20s that I have formulated what I will need to do in order to end the multi-generational curse, because an idea is just an idea, but if one has the gumption to put some sweat and tears and effort in changing something, that idea just became a well crafted plan of attack which holds more weight than just talking about it.
To which my plan of attack as it were is as follows:
– Having men I respect and trust to hold me accountable, to put out there my struggles and concerns.
– Putting it out there to my wife (in advance) where I’m coming from.
– Figure what my father-in-law did right and seek him for advice (I recognize I won’t be marrying just my June, but her family as well).
– Pray and have faith in God to see me through, that my wife and kids will not know the absence that I know all too well.
It’s not easy, and some days I would much rather stay in bed than face the facts concerning my issue, but I have had the pull to be a husband and father since I was younger and so I must go on and do what I need to do to get to that point. That day will come and I want to be as ready for it as I’m getting ready nowadays will putting out there my issues, concerns, and struggles.
I already await the days when my kids run screaming “daddy” and they hug my ankles, I already await the days where I go to bed with my wife and feeling safe & secure, I already await the days when my kids let me in to what’s going on in their lives and there isn’t a shred in parental-loathing teenage angst…
I have dreams, I have ideas, and I have plans, so I must get to planning the future for my wife & kids in the now.