The 6 words that I never want to hear* – 3/28

(*At one time this was true, I have evolved since then.)

You know what 6 words that drive me temporarily insane?

You. Are. Just. Like. Your. Father.

My mother is the only one in my life who says this, and it is never said as a compliment but a sharp verbal uppercut to my emotional glass jaw.

The thing is this, I have an extensive vocabulary (which some people assume is me faking it to make it, I assure you I am not) and I also swear (which some people think I say for reaction’s sake, or that my vocabulary isn’t extensive enough to vocalize what’s going on, the former is sometimes true but never the latter). I have my parents to thank for both. Their arguments have persisted since the dawn of creation…or my conception, whichever is further back in time…anyway, I heard their fights and what they said and the gist of it all is the weight of words have weighed heavily upon my slumped shoulders and furrowed brow and my emotionally scarred heart.

My mother is prone to both (so-called) profanity and dredging the emotional ocean floor. She will bring up shit that you thought was flushed long time ago, but nope, she still remembers. She has memories of past offenses in a quiver and the worst of the worst are notched in her bow, ready to fired upon you at any time.
My father’s approach has always been passive, but sometimes the words he has to vomit on you wreak of stomach juices that have aged to imperfection over a long period of time. It’s never fair when the battle of words takes place with him, it’s a garrote that strangles you from behind.

With learning these verbal tools of the trade from the pater and mater familias I too have fought tooth and nail with words. I am tactful with what I say, my words are like a saber so en-fucking-garde! If you are on the receiving end of my verbal épée, you will know it and you will know it well.

***

I recognize the importance and weight of words; I know how much words sting and uplift, and it’s why I try to choose my words carefully. I also realize that while the phrase  you are just like your father is meant to be an insult, there is still good within the man even if I don’t interact with him much these days. I too see good in my mother and I am like her in a lot of ways as well. Yet ultimately I recognize I am myself and I make my own choices, for better or worse, and at the end of the day I have to take credit and blame for what I’ve done because I did it.
I will always love language and words, but having allowed myself to be forged in the fire, so too will I continue to temper my words and do what I can to make it something better. I only have one life and when I shrug off this mortal coil, I hope to leave this world in better shape than when I arrived.

~Nathanael~

A brief and partial defense of my use of using “bad words” in my blogs

I was recently talking to someone who noticed that occasionally I use “bad words” in my speech as well as in my writing. I will say this much, when it comes to so-called bad words it wasn’t my peers or the television that taught me these words, but rather my parents, not in a good context; I usually heard these words when they were fighting amongst each other. Still, I have to have some ownership in this, as I am the one saying/writing them, so here it goes.

I don’t believe there are bad words. Words are words, and they carry weight for better or worse, and that is how a word is valued and used or not used. Now one thing you should know about my usage of these words, they’re never uttered among impressionable young children who don’t get the weight of the words I am saying as a whole let alone a well-placed fuck or shit. Now my methodology is not full proof, there are times I say such words for the reaction, but I think a better portion of my times of using these words are in context and applicable.
Now because sometimes my circles are amongst followers of Christ who get offended by my use of these words I am willing to venture this; do you not say crud/crap, dang instead of damn, heck instead of hell, et al? Because here’s my thing, you might not put as much weight on these words but we all know what you’re saying with your lack of saying it.

Another thing I have thought about with the weight of words is that sometimes people focus on the words instead of a problem. I addressed people starving to death, people dying of unclean water sources…THAT is the bigger problem than how I put my sentences together with some words thrown in that leave some with a bad taste in their mouths. If you’re hung up by my use of these words instead of people dying, you may want to self-examine yourself. Profanity, if anything, is when we know of a problem that needs addressing and we don’t give a damn or don’t give a shit to address it and make the world a better place.

So please, if you have  a problem with the words I use, let me know but also know I will return the favor in addressing your complacency in letting people starve to death. If you are willing to sit back and not be a part of the solution you’re part of the problem, this is an issue I am constantly faced with as I know but don’t act 😦 This is one of my shortcomings in life, my language however is not.

~Nathanael~