I enjoyed writing on a nearly day-to-day basis by way of the 31 day writing challenge…but it only whet my appetite, I want more!
Anyone know of a good 30 day challenge? For the month of June that is 🙂
~Nathanael~
P.S. Heck, I’d be up for 30 different questions from you the readers to write out 1 day at a time, sounds goods? Share the good word, as I don’t think I have 30 readers.
Wow I’m actually here 31 days later! 🙂
Epilogue: A letter to myself (written from a perspective of hindsight, kind of)
Dear Nathanael,
Life is certainly shitty for you at this time, but take heart! You’re getting there, job-wise and financially you’re doing a great job saving up and there’s the prospect of another job of another 40 hour of working…mental clarity and bliss is just around the corner!
It will be tough, but you’re getting there; for your sake getting away from him and the fubar lifestyle is the only way change is going to take place. It might take a toll on your wallet, but you know that it is entirely worth it.
Don’t worry too much about finding your June, keep praying with your eyes open. Please be intentional in finding someone who is like themselves instead of your first love, because you won’t find a girl exactly and that puts her on a pedestal as well the girl you’re trying to pursue. She’s out there, be diligent and God willing you find her.
Moving out to Southern California was one of the better decisions you made in your adult life, you were right, the possibility of an earthquake happening trumps yearly cold weather and that dreaded snow. You get to surf, you get the mountains, if you want cold weather you have to seek it out and it doesn’t come around on a regular basis as it was when you were living in Illinois.
Life will get better, these things just take time, continue doing what you do and may God bless you on your future endeavors.
~Nathanael~
Someone in my family that means so much to me
My mother means so much to me. Where to begin? 🙂
When I was younger so much younger than today…
My mother was my teacher; I was home-schooled, my sisters 3 and I were, and with the exception of the youngest who spent 2 years in public school, the rest of us went K-12 under her tutelage to some degree. She was put in a difficult spot with my father being absent to her as well as to us kids, so she had to be both disciplinarian as well as our teacher.
My mom and I have a better relationship these days compared to when I was younger, we fight sometimes but I will say I am glad she’s like me when she’s angry, otherwise I might not know when she’s angry. She’s hard headed, stubborn and verbally loud…just like me, which makes things “better” in the sense that I fight the same way and we’re able to work out things within that context, we’re both used to passive-aggressive people not letting on that they’re angry, and even tho we don’t like fighting with one another we’re able to give each other the space needed when you have two verbally loud people.
I think one of the hardest things my mom experienced apart from my father not being there for her or us kids was when she had breast cancer 6 years ago. My father bailed on her even more so when she had breast cancer, and so I took time off from school and became her primary caregiver. Sitting while chemo was injected into her body, when her hair fell out, when she was in utter pain from it all…I went through that with her, sure she’s the one who experienced it, but when you love someone you go through what they go through although in a different way.
In the last few years my mom has stepped out of her comfort zone into trusting God as she does her part to build bridges between the Christian community and the LGBT community. Tho she’s taking baby steps (if that works for her, no problem!) it’s great to see her attitude change, plus at our local chapter of PFLAG she’s very engaging in conversation to those who gather! They’ve taken a liking to my mom, which I’m glad because she’s come a long way 🙂
We recently have been butting heads and the issue hasn’t been resolved yet, but given time she might “get it” and life will be better for her.
She might not be perfect, but she’s my mom, and she means so much to me!
~Nathanael~
The other day I decided to pick some cherries from the family cherry tree. It had grown to be a beast! Yet one of the things right now is that there isn’t a lot of low fruit, there’s more at the top but that’s out of reach even by ladder. I picked 2-3lbs easily, but my eye was on what was out of my grasp (the fruit is always sweeter at the top of the tree, eh?)
As I was picking cherries, the terminology that gets used quite often to describe what a person keeps in the Bible and what one takes out, that, of course, is cherry picking came to mind and so I decided to write about it.
Cherry picking is defined as “Cherry picking is the act of pointing at individual cases or data that seem to confirm a particular position, while ignoring a significant portion of related cases or data that may contradict that position.” (Cherry Picking)
Every follower of Christ is guilty of cherry picking; some see verses and contort them to make the Bible and even God anti-homosexual, some used verses to condone having slaves in America, some handle poison snakes and ingest poison because they believe that if they’re faithful to God they won’t be harmed by doing either, there are some people who pick verses (and a commentary) to give weight to some form of a rapture and pre-tribulation or post-tribulation in what they profess to be “the end of days”.
I give examples of what others cherry pick from the Bible, and to be perfectly honest what I cherry pick out from the Bible are verses that describe God’s love for humanity, all of humanity, he looks at creation and he doesn’t retract his “it is good” from the creation narrative.
I also cherry pick that what caused the destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah wasn’t a sin of trying to rape the “men” (angels) who came to Lot’s house, but it was their greed that destroyed them.
I don’t know what I truly believe about the nature of heaven and hell, in some ways the Bible doesn’t give too clear a picture about other and the way Christians present it sometimes leaves me bored of heaven and scared of hell, the latter from the way it was portrayed in art during the Dark Ages.
I have faith in God, I have faith in what he did through Jesus, and I have faith in the good things people do in his name.
I choose to love and leave the judging up to God.
I find comfort in verses that point to reconciliation and restoration of humanity to God, a returning to perfect shalom.
I might not read a lot of what Paul wrote but I have faith in what he said in Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” and Philippians 2:10-11 “that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
I believe a handful of verses that are translated into English doesn’t cover the depth of what the Bible has to say about homosexuality, the so-called “clobber verses” are simply used as that, verses to clobber people upside the head with, which hardly seems to be anything remotely Christlike.
I believe that despite my cherry picking I need to read the Bible in context, that is, the entirety of the Bible. I haven’t read the Bible from cover to cover in a long time but I am giving much thought to doing it again, including all the boring parts as well.
***
There’s not going to come a time where I will have “gotten it”, that is the Bible and who God is to the fullest. Who knows? Maybe on the other side of eternity it will take me some time to “get it” still, but I am relentless; relentless about learning about God, the Bible, those who have gone before me and those in my midst. These things take a lifetime, and it is certainly is about the journey as it is about the destination.
~Nathanael~
My biggest dream in life (I wanted to do as a kid but no longer can)
None of my dreams as a childhood were out of the ordinary. I never had dreams of being a firefighter, policeman, astronaut and President of the United States, my “what do you want to be when you grow up” answer was that I wanted to be a burglar.
I wanted to be a burglar because
1) a burglar steals stuff at night, so in my 5 year old mind he must be there during the day for his wife and kids
&
2) a burglar steals stuff… My family was materially poor when I was younger, I was envious over friends who had new toys, I was the oldest and only boy in my family but I still received hand-me-downs from others.
Now my 5 year old self wasn’t wrong, I don’t look back at my wanting to be a burglar with scorn because it is a part of my story, it is something that I processed then because of my given circumstances.
I didn’t have big dreams that were unreachable, I did desire to be a good husband and a dad someday, it’s a dream I still have and God willing I will be both.
~Nathanael~
Nathanael Vitkus 